Settling Into Motherhood

Motherhood so far has been a constant adventure. It is overwhelming, wonderful, terrifying, and phenomenal all in the same day!

It's become clear to me that the person who wears the pants in our family is the person who wears a diaper underneath them... and I am totally fine with that! Life before Elle was measured by quiet moments at home with Ryan and our spoiled pooch Paisley, those TV shows I just couldn't miss and lazy Sunday's. Now, I couldn't imagine a life that wasn't gauged by the sweet smell of baby skin, little grunting noises at 3am, tons of cuddle time, the curling of her little toes, and those big toothless smiles that I'm now paid with. {How did I survive so long without her?}

In the beginning I was pretty overwhelmed. I struggled with decisions, and when I made them, I still wasn't confident in them. I'm definitely more confident in my decisions now, even when others question them. Plenty of baby experts out there disagree on the 'best' ways to raise a child, as mom's we just have to trust that we know best what works and doesn't work for our babies and ourselves.

Like many moms, I struggled with breastfeeding. From the day I found out I was pregnant, I knew I wanted to breastfeed, for numerous reasons of my own so there was never a question in my mind. I sought out all the information that I could regarding the topic. I {surely} annoyed friends with my countless questions, I read blogs for days, I joined the Le Leche League group {the army of mom's with uber knowledge on the subject}... I was needless to say, determined. Due to my c-section and high blood pressure I spent 4 {long} days in the hospital, each and every feeding I had a lactation consultant by my side. Elliet had the most difficult time latching and even though we tried syringes with colostrum, nipple shields, etc. we were unsuccessful in our attempts. I was under tremendous pressure from the nurses and the pediatrician to give her formula, but I refused. I wanted to provide her with the best, and that was my milk. So... I decided I would exclusively pump. For five long weeks, I lived my life around a machine. On top of the ridiculous pain, I ate lactation cookies, took Fenugreek pills, and drank more water then I had in all my life! I was pumping every 2-3 hours, 24 hours a day, to increase my production. After feeding Elle, I had to pump to tell my body to produce more, by the time I was finished pumping, cleaning all of the parts and storing the milk in the fridge, it was time to feed Elle again! I was exhausted. This was the hardest, most challenging time in my life to date. The stress and pressure I was putting on myself was robbing me of my joy! Finally, after hearing several times that "formula fed babies are healthy too" and that it wouldn't make me any less of a mom to give Elle formula, my guilt ridden feelings finally began to subside and I started to incorporate formula into her diet. My sweet pea is now a formula fed baby, and she is a happy and healthy growing girl!

When the magical 6 weeks came, the week I was returning to work, I was sad. The first day away was the most difficult, I cried. I like my job, but I love watching my baby grow. I am so very thankful that Elle is able to be in the care of her grandma while I am away. I remember the bond I had with both of my grandma's and I am so happy knowing she will enjoy that same relationship.

I'm guessing for many new mom's as it is for me, it is easy to take all the care for the baby, yourself. They have been a part of us for over nine months... giving our fragile creation over to another's care {even her daddy} can make me feel almost negligent. Having things done right {meaning my way of course} is important, right? But I'm trying to stay cognisant of this behavior because I know she needs that bonding time with the others who love her too {just not as much as I do, ha}. But I'd rather abide by the "look but don't touch" rule we learned as kids {I say this with a grin}. Basically this has been my biggest struggle with motherhood so far. Letting other's enjoy her as much as I do. It's not with everyone and it's not all the time, but it is often... unfortunately.

Since there are no online courses for Baby 101, we are creating our own path in the Rempe household. It's been beautiful and hectic, crazy and smile-inducing and I look forward to a lifetime of it!

Elle is One Month Old!

It is so hard to believe that Elliet is already one month old! The month flew by so quickly. Allot of learning has occurred this month, and boy was I naive to what life with a newborn would be like! I'm not sure anyone could have prepared us for the life we've come to know, the good and the hard parts. Thankfully she makes life much sweeter!



Elle is growing and becoming much more alert. We've started tummy time on her play mat to help strengthen her neck and back muscles to reduce her risk of SIDS. She does very well, she can lift her head while lying on her tummy and turn it from side to side. She responds well to sounds and will follow objects briefly with her eyes.



She is such a good baby. Thankfully we haven't dealt with too much fussiness, I think due to my sleep deprivation I'm typically more fussy then she is! Ha! I have been researching sleep training, when to start and what are the best ways to get baby to sleep through the night. I am so much looking forward to a uninterrupted night of sleep, just the thought of it makes me giddy as if I'm about to leave for a vacation!

Bath time has gotten much better! Initially she did not enjoy her baths, but as of a week ago, she will sit through them without a tear. She actually seems to enjoy them now.



What she has added to our lives is unexplainable. We can't wait to see what this next month brings!

 

 

Sweet baby-to-be

Sweet Elliet,

In about five weeks you will arrive in this world. You are already so special to your father and I. You wouldn’t believe how much we already love you. You haven’t even taken your first breath and you have already changed our lives forever.

On May 23^rd, 2012 we learned you would be joining our family. I never thought my insatiable curiosity could withstand nine months of suspense, but I am enjoying this much more than I could have imagined.

On August 31st, your daddy and I learned we were going to become parents to a baby girl. Within a few days we had chosen your name and had started planning your nursery.

My mind wanders often, daydreaming of you. I wonder what we will share, if you will have my eyes, my long toes or your daddy’s smile. I pray that we teach you the best of us and most of all the glory of God.

You are kicking away inside me now as I write this letter to you and that puts a soft grin on my face. I treasure the feeling of your movements and the blessing it is to grow a tiny life inside of me. When I am exhausted or achy, I work harder at being thankful for the many reasons why I feel this way.

You have an eager family waiting for you…and you will be treasured and celebrated and admired. I am so excited for the moment of your birth. I would like to ask you to hurry–I am tired, and wobbly, and so ready to meet you soon. Instead, I will wait patiently for you, enjoying you in my belly.

I am not sure of the struggles that you will face in life or if we will be able to protect you from anything or anyone that may prevent your happiness. But I want you to know that your father and I are so in love with you and pray you always feel our love. One thing I know without any doubt, beyond what my mind can comprehend is God’s love for you. He will always be with you. Look to Him first and always, you will be in the arms of the one who holds the world in His hands.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
--Psalm 139: 13-16

We praise God for you, our sweet gift that can only come from Him.

Love,   

Mom